I recently had a lovely trip to visit Prince Charle’s garden at his home, Highgrove. We had a lovely champagne afternoon tea and, miracle upon miracle, the rain stopped droughting down for just long enough for us to have a good look round. Here’s what I discovered…
Things I learned at Highgrove:
1. If it rains at Highgrove, the mode du jour is Barbour jacket and green Hunter wellies.
2. No cameras, mobile phones or binoculars are allowed on the estate. Sorry – no photographic evidence that I was ever there!
3. There is a very nice policeman with unfeasibly large sideburns and a gun at the gate.
4 If you are a prince you can bang on all you like about being passionately ‘green’ while having a house the size of substantial hotel, employing a hundred staff and having eighty cars at your disposal.
5. I am the least ‘green’ person I know and yet my carbon footprint is still a million times less than yours, Charlie Boy.
6 Highgrove is a stunning garden. Immaculately manicured yet very personal and whimsical at the same time. Highly recommend a visit.
7. It is very tempting to eat the cream tea from the table next to you when the person hasn’t touched it at all! (My idea of recycling.)
8. If you are an elderly, white-haired lady, it’s probably a good idea to shave off that black moustache, madam.
9. When did two baked potatoes in a scrotty pub (one cheese, one bacon and cheese) and two diet cokes start to cost £16.00?
10. If you live in a beautiful Cotswold stone cottage you should not be allowed to load up the roof with solar panels.
11. A pot of Highgrove honey in the shop is £5.95.
12. You can only be a guide at Highgrove if your name is Henrietta, Hortense or Hermione.
13. This is what royal eggs look like from royal hen’s bottoms. One is from a Norwegian Blue – or something. Which is considered lucky. (Tell the tourists any old crap and they’ll believe it.)